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Happy Relationships: Discuss Your Pet Peeves
No matter how close we are to our partner, no matter how strong
the bond and the mutual likes and dislikes, there are always
little things that we do that "bug" our greatest audience. Too
often, such personal habits are only discussed in the middle of
a heated argument when they are hurled like missiles "And
another thing, you always . . ."
Defuse the potential for discord by setting aside time every
month or so to sit down and discuss such disconnects objectively
and with a lot of good humor. While our tendency is to assure
our loved one that there is absolutely nothing they do that we
would want to change, there is always something. By
concentrating on the irritating action itself, we can avoid
criticizing the other as a person, or letting our emotions blow
little transgressions into tornados.
Start small with things that only mildly "push your buttons."
Such things as leaving the toilet seat up, dropping wet towels
on the bathroom floor, always taking a fresh glass for morning
juice, or leaving piles of clothes in the corner - all of these
can be annoying but are hardly make-or-break aspects of your
union.
For every "bugs me" behavior identified, see if you can figure
out together how the situation can be resolved. Maybe one of you
can agree to watch yourself carefully and try to avoid the
activity all together. Maybe one of you can become more flexible
and allow for personal quirks to remain without the buildup of
underlying resentment.
Make a game of monitoring each other.
A cue word or phrase
("mayday"; "boytoy"; "bingo"; "who let the dogs out?") can alert
the partner in a humorous, non-threatening way and avoid a
defensive response.
If two people care for each other, they will genuinely try to
avoid irritating or disturbing each other but because two people
will never be in total sync, it is important to develop a
tolerance for each other's flaws and foibles.
In the midst of our ever-busy lives, we try to concentrate on
too much at once. Our time becomes so engaged on the problems
and challenges of a demanding world that we forget or ignore the
little things that our loved one does for us, simply because
they care.
So end your discussion of annoying habits and possible solutions
by also taking the time to review what things the other person
has done that made you feel wonderful - the call to let you know
they are running late, the coffee in bed on a Sunday morning, or
how grateful you are that your partner handled your son's school
problems so well.
You should be able to walk away from your discussion with an
upbeat feeling, secure in the knowledge that fate has dealt you
the greatest card in the pack: an honest and thoroughly
enjoyable union with the most wonderful person you have ever
known.
About the author:
Virginia Bola is giving away complimentary copies of "Seven
Super Simple Tips: Keep Your Marriage Fresh" from which this
article is taken. To obtain your own copy, visit:
http://www.graburl.com/x.php?1cs.
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